“Peace is the condition in which conflicts are dealt with and resolved in respectful, life-affirming ways.

Peace can be achieved only when people have tools for resolving conflicts in productive ways.”

(Paul Linden)

Conflict coaching

You are a leader or people manager

You are confronted with a difficult situation with a collaborator, in your team, department or organization.

You would like to address the conflict with wisdom, courage and insight.

You need an extra pair of eyes, and are looking for insights, anchors and tools.

You are also prepared to explore your part in the situation.

you are an HR manager or professional

You want to intervene in a specific conflict situation in a quick, adequate and proactive way.

You want to bring clarity in the complexity of a conflict situation.

You need a sounding board to explore requests for help when managers are confronted with conflictual situations.

You want to explore what you can contribute in your role as HR and which interventions can be helpful.

you are involved in a conflict situation

You have a conflict and want to explore how to deal with the situation.

You wish to stand up for what is important for you, and at the same time respect the needs and interests of others.

You wish to develop skills and strategies to engage in a productive conversation.

You want to overcome your fear to speak up and transform your assumptions and blocking thoughts.

You would like the coaching process to support you before, during or after a mediation process.

“While conflict can be a trap of the past, conflict resolution is an act of the present and the future.” 

(Tammy Lenski)

“Beyond our ideas of wrong-doing and right-doing, there is a field. I will meet you there.”

(Rumi)

Why conflict coaching?

At work you are always confronted with people who think and behave differently. Collaboration with the differences is often a challenge.

Organisaties expect you, as a leader, HR professional or employee, to deal with conflict in a mature and constructive way.In reality this is often not so self evident.

However, most people are insecure when dealing with differences of opinion, opposition and tensions.

This provokes all sorts of reactions, such as contraction, fight for your ‘truth’, make jokes, keep silent, express aggression in a non verbal way or explode.

We never really learned how to approach conflicts from a place of calm, to be curious and to respond in a wise and constructive way. This results in a lot of frustration and human suffering on the work floor.

But the good news is: you can learn to deal with conflict!

What are the results of a coaching process?

You look at your situation in which you are stuck from a healthy distance, allowing you to see the bigger picture

You discover what puts you off balance, how you react to the experience of threat, and what the costs of your patterns are

You are able to see your vision as just one perspective on the situation and can construct a omni-partial perspective on the conflict

You grow your empathy with ‘the other side’ and connect to what is really important for you 

You make the shift from blaming and expecting the other to change, to taking responsibility for your thoughts, feelings and behavior

You experience choice and options and can offer a response from a place of calm, courage, curiosity and wisdom 

You learn how to express your needs and wishes in a constructive way and can set clearer boundaries

You can engage in courageous conversations and stand up for what is important for you, in respect for the other

You bring movement to rigid habits, patterns  in which you are stuck and find new approaches for dealing with conflict

“It is far better to look inward rather than outward for the problem and the solution.”

(Jeffrey Kottler)

“Conflict (…) presents threat of one sort or another to the individuals involved and, consequently, parties in conflict will have more difficulty excersing their ability to delay visceral and emotional responses in their conflict interactions. Yet this is exactly what we are asking them to do in conflict resolution processes. (…)

In conflict resolution work, sometimes we need to go slow to go fast.” 

(Tim Hicks)

An integral and holistic approach 

Conflict coaching is result and future oriented.

We work from an integral perspective, on different levels: organization wide, at the level of departments or teams, the interpersonal and the personal level. 

Our vision on development is holistic. We work with different forms of intelligence that you can further develop in order to be more aware of what is happening and to be calm and effective in conflict situations. The focus is on our cognitive, emotional, relational, somatic and collective intelligence.

The aim is always to increase awareness, to discover new choices, to infuse oxygen into difficult situations, and movement in conflicts that seem stuck. 

The metaphor of the labyrinth is key. We make a movement from the inside to the outside

Our approach is contextual because during the process your reality and specific situation is always the point of reference. I challenge you to try out ‘safe to fail’ experiments.

The real work happens outside the coaching space! 

Silvia your coach

As a coach I invest everything I can offer you, based on the insights, frameworks and models in the domain of collaboration & conflict that I have integrated in my work.

I have 30 years of experience in the field of organizational and team development and personal growth.

Enjoy the benefit of my expertise and background as a mediator, team coach, trainer, clinical and organizational psychologist, Gestalt therapist, somatic facilitator.

What characterizes my style of coaching is a balance between theoretical background & solid practical experience in organizations,  care & honest feedback, professional distance & warm commitment, methodical approach & feeling with what is happening in the here and now.

Conflict coaching: a process

The first step is a free conversation to check if we have a match (online).

Then you receive an intake document to prepare for the coaching.

We go through a process, adapted to your situation, questions and needs. We pay attention to

  • The results you want to reach: focus and objective
  • Assessment of the situation: an integral perspective, including all elements that are relevant
  • Exploration of the conflict: shift of perspective and increase of awareness
  • Scrutinize different options for action: risks and possibilities of the steps
  • Experimentation with different approaches: new skills and behaviors, feedback and adaptation
  • Commitment: view on the next steps and drawing lessons and conclusions from the journey.

Do you have any questions? Please feel free to contact me!

silvia@circlesforconnection.be
+32 (0) 486 14 86 33

Practical information

  • A coaching conversation is 1,5 hours
  • I work a lot online (Zoom platform), but you are also welcome in my private practice (Leuven)
  • You can spread the coaching conversations over a period of your choice: brief and intense or over a longer period of time
  • The conflict coaching process consists of minimum 5 sessions

Fees

There are different rates for private persons, independant consultants and organizations.

Please ask for more information!

Conflict therapy

Work is a central aspect of our lives. More and more our identification with our job is what defines us and how we feel.

Unfortunately organisations are places where our mental well-being is under pressure. For instance: 

Exhausting change processes – the stress of ‘self management’ or the lack of autonomy –  power abuse and politcal games – failed leadership – bullying – a chronic lack of recognition and appreciation – latent or open conflicts – aggressive outbursts or subtle violence – a toxic athmophere at work – being excluded – aggressive colleagues 

Sometimes you find yourself stuck in old patterns when there is pressure at work. 

Or you can’t function anymore because of chronic stress, intense emotions you can’t handle or old uncertainties that pop up.

Please ask for help. 

“Choice follows awareness.

The more aware we are, the more choice we have.

Cultivating our awareness is the cornerstone for an awakened, robust life.”

(Richard Strozzi-Heckler)

When can conflict therapy be meaningful for you?

In certain circumstances you experience strong negative emotions you cannnot handle  (e.g. anxiety, anger, undertainty, revenge).

You have experienced intense situations at work that get under your skin (trauma with a small “t”)

Unexpectedly you are triggered by a situation or person that bring back memories from the past (trigger and reactivity)

Your well-being and health are at stake (e.g. sleeping problems; emotional exhaustion; endless worrying; tension in your body) because of difficult situations at work and long-lasting stress in your professional context

You are stuck in negative personal patterns that hinder you from freely moving and expressing yourself

You are scared to stand up for what is important for you, find it hard to set boundaries, and in doing so, you don’t take care of yourself (e.g. pleasing behaviour; be silent)

You notice that you are avoiding people or situations in your work context, which leads to more tension (e.g. work from home; postpone difficult conversations).

You end up in an inner conflict, because you cannot express your frustrations, irritations, boundaries and needs.

You have difficulty with professional relations, cannot take decisions, are insecure, become isolated (e.g. mental disconnection; panick attacks)

You say to yourself: “That’s just who I am”, but deep down you know something else is possible…

“We are neurobiologically wired to protect ourselves against threat or loss. (…)

When we are embodied, we are better able to feel, sort through, and process our emotions via physical sensations.

This ability to delay the gratification of immediate expression, in favor of the long-term gratification of effective action, is one important aspect of emotional intelligence.

(Jason Digges)

“It is not what you are experiencing that’s important, it is how you relate to it that matters.”

(Joseph Goldstein)

Therapy: a journey

Way of working

We start with an intake of 1 hour to explore if your question and my way of working match (online or live). After this conversation, we decide to if we want to start the therapy.

Before that, you receive an information document with all the practicalities (e.g. address; time slots; parking; cancellation policy).

I also ask you to fill out an intake document. This helps me to carefully prepare our intake. This happens via mail.

In order to engage in an effective growth process, I help you to clarify your personal focus.

The final goal is that you take back control of your life.

We will evaluate the process on a regular basis to make sure we are still on the right track and to check if change in noticeable in your life.

a holistic approach: BODYMIND & BOTTOM-UP

We work on different tracks and from different perspectives:

  • Your emotional experiences in difficult situations and challenging relationships
  • The beliefs and thoughts that guide your behaviour
  • Your physical experiences and survival patterns (‘automatic pilot’) in conflict that limit your freedom

In the therapy your experience is the starting point.

We use conversation, creative methods, embodied practices to facilitate change and to integrate new ways of doing and being in your (work) life.

For instance: shadow work – voice dialogue – focusing – chair work – table constellations – writing meditation – visualisations – somatic excercises – breath work – safe to fail experiments for your work place – personal practices for calmness, energy or focus

Do you have any questions? Please feel free to contact me.

silvia@circlesforconnection.be
+32 (0) 486 14 86 33

Practical information

A therapy session is 1 hour (60 minutes)

Frequency: to be discussed

I work a lot online (Zoom platform), but you are also welcome in my private practice (Leuven)

OPENING hours

Tuesday: 4pm – 5.15pm

Wednesday: 3pm – 4.15pm – 5.30pm

Fee

For private clients: 80 eu/hour

About SILVIA

My name is Silvia, I am 59 years, mother of three grown-up children.

I love hiking in the mountains, reading, yoga, photography, cooking, music, films, traveling and visiting exhibitions. I am particulary interested in relationships between people.

As a clinial and organisational psychologist I am specialized in working with people and how they function in their professional context.

I work with people who are confronted with personal issues, difficult professional relationships, old pain, disconnection and the limits of free expression.

Gestalt – the therapy of contact – inspires me in how I work with healthy and blocked relationships. The question is: how can the contact between you and others flow freely?

I integrated the many trainings I attended to a holistic way of working.

My education includes:

Gestalt therapy (IVC) – ‘Character Structures’ (Umbra) – ‘The Wise Body’ (Interact) – ‘Focus on psychopathology’ (IVC) – ‘The Wisdom of Conflict’ (Movement Medicine) – ‘The Power of Embodied Transformation’ (Coaches Rising) – ‘Neuroscience for Change’ (Coaches Rising) – ‘Embodiment Fundamentals for Coaches and Facilitators: Leveraging the Intelligence of the Body’ (Embodied Potential) – ‘Embodiment in Business’ (Embodied Facilitator) –  ‘Foundations of Embodiment Certificate’ (Embodied Facilitator) – ‘Trauma Informed Practice’ (Ybe Casteleyn) – Introduction Somatic Experiencing (BodyMind opleidingen, NL) – ‘On the Spot: Psychological First Aid’ (Ybe Casteleyn) – ‘Skills training PTSD & Complex PTSD’ (Ybe Casteleyn) – Series ‘Breating’ (Studio Zuid)

I am also a yoga teacher (Yogalife) with a special interest in ‘yoga-off-the-mat’

I followed a trauma training (C2Trauma2Peace, De Binnentuin/Weg-Wijzer) and am engaged in several smaller online trainings (e.g. Internal Family Systems, Frank Anderson; Janina Fisher; Deb Dana).

I am a registered clinical psychologist (registration number 632113541 – Visum 347059) and member of the association for clinical psychologists  VVKP (Vereniging voor Klinisch Psychologen).

I am trained in Gestalt therapy (IVC, 2016) and certified as a Gestalt therapist with the Dutch/Flemish Association for Gestalt Therapy and Gestalt Theory (NVAGT, registration number 2631).

I follow intervision and supervision on a regular basis.